By Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld

Sex as a Runaway Train

Men tend to view sexual arousal as a runaway train; once in motion, it should not be stopped or deflected until it reaches its destination.

Males get very upset when they are not allowed to find culmination (partner sex finishing in orgasm) after becoming aroused. Some nasty scenes occur with men claiming that women have led them on when the women have wanted to stop the sexual events from progressing further or when they haven't wanted to have sex at all. Some of the male statements are undoubtedly intended to play on the woman's guilt and to manipulate her into doing more than she wants. But whether or not there is such an intention, there does seem to be a strong male attitude of "If you don't want to play, you shouldn't look or act like you do; or "Don't start anything you don't intend to finish."

Women tend to have a somewhat different attitude. They do not feel the same urgency about sex. Many are accustomed to being aroused without orgasm and many feel sex is, or should be, a process that can be interrupted by either party at any point.

Men tend to get aroused quickly. Given a sexual stimulus, men will say sooner than women that they are ready for explicit sexual activity. For many men, erection is all they think they need. As soon as they have one, they're ready for intercourse or some other sexual act. For women, however, being lubricated does not necessarily mean a readiness for intercourse or even genital touching. This difference commonly leads to problems with the man pushing for genital fondling and even intercourse before the woman feels interested or ready.

Next - Men are Goal Oriented

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