But most of the time we want a lot more. In fact, our goals are quite expansive. We want to satisfy ourselves and our partners (and that satisfaction may be defined differently at different times by each individual), to bring us closer together (to make love), to validate our sense of masculinity and femininity, to reflect and generate feelings of excitement and passion, and for some people, to produce a mystical experience. And all this may be in addition to creating orgasms and perhaps even a new life. This is asking quite a bit from what looks like a simple physical activity. A lot is wanted; a lot is at stake. When things reach this level, we are very far from doing what comes naturally and equally far from something that's easy and simple.

The desire to have sexual intercourse is wired into us, but we are equipped with the tools, both physical and mental, to have a more interesting and more elaborate kind of sexuality. Developing and using those tools, adding the embellishments that make human sexuality so much more fascinating and satisfying than that of other animals, is the product of intention, effort, and learning. In the rest of this chapter, I address what I consider to be the six major requirements for having good sex.

Next - Men and Women are Different

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